Best Served Cold:Notes on Revenge by Edward Cullen
by Miss. Bra
Summary: I didn't mean to do it, Rose was egging me on. But, revenge is so sweet. My notes on my personal experiences with revenge. How to, where to, when to, why to. 2. Bella. "Edward! Don't you dare do that, please, do anything BUT that!"
1. I Carlisle!

Things I've Been Forbidden to Do Ever Again: Notes by Edward A. Cullen.

By Miss. Bra

* * *

I. Carlisle!

I remember it being a little after Bella and I had gotten together, coming into my 97th year as Carlisle as being my father and of course, Carlisle and Esme's eightieth anniversary. It was all of us at home. Carlisle was up in his study, reading over an old text book. Esme was gathering clothes for washing as she normally did. Rosalie was with Emmett playing Guitar Hero and Alice was with Jasper sorting out her ridiculous amounts of clothing in her wardrobe.

I, however, was quietly, innocently reading on the lounge, doing nothing particularly interesting until Esme came past, stifling her laughter with one hand while holding the clothes basket with another. I cocked one eyebrow at my mother and she burst out laughing.

"Spill," I said, closing my book.

"Oh, Edward, you'll never guess!" She cried, falling into the armchair, bursting out into fits of laughter. "Oh, it's so funny, Edward, so, so, so funny!"

"What, what?" I asked in anticipation. "Tell me, Esme, tell me!"

She settled down and leant forward, flicking her hair out of her eyes and trying to straighten out her smile. "Well," She started. "A new doctor came today, at the Forks Hospital and he was put under Carlisle's wing until he settles in." Esme then broke out in another wave of laughter.

"Esme! Snap out of it! Tell me!" I cried, wanting to know more and more with every laugh she did. It made me feel out of it, like she was keeping a joke from me. Eventually, Esme settled back down and pushed her clothes basket to the side.

"Anyway, so this new doctor, this Dr. Christopher Mane," She started up again, grinning only slightly, the joke playing in her eyes, making me want in on the secret more and more. "At the start, he was nice, asking Carlisle questions, talking to the nurses but," The climax was coming to the joke and I was eagerly awaiting it. "After lunch he comes out to Carlisle in privates and admits he's been talking to the nurses about him."

"About _him_?" I cried in shock.

"Shh, shh, keep it down, Edward, keep it down," She shushed me, but continued. "Carlisle goes:" She put on an accent then, the way Carlisle talked. "'Oh, that's nice, Christopher, and what do those lovely ladies have to say?' And Christopher says: 'They say you're amazing and I wanted to know if later you're free?'"

"He thought he was _gay_?" I cried, falling back into the lounge, laughing loudly and unashamed. Esme took her turn to and her head fell back. The entire lounge was filled with our cackling.

"Oh shut up, Edward!" Was Carlisle's seethe from upstairs. "Don't tell the whole world, Esme!"

"Oh honey!" She chortled back; her eyes squinted against her smile. "It's just so funny!"

"Well," Carlisle replied, "I didn't think it was. Do I _look_ gay, Esme?!"

"And Carlisle was like," Esme said, getting over her fits of laughter. "Excuse me, pardon, what was that?!"

"Deer in the headlights!" I squealed, holding my sides, closing my eyes as I laughed and laughed and laughed. "Classic!"

"Oh shut _up_, Edward!" Carlisle hissed from his study that I knew now he was sulking in. "Esme! Next time, mind your own business!"

Esme chuckled, picking up her clothes basket to continue her way. "Oh dear, don't be like that," Esme replied to her mate. "We are only having a little fun!"

"Yes, well," Carlisle replied quickly. Yes, he was obviously up there sulking. "I don't find it fun. I find it awkward and embarrassing."

We didn't say anything else about the 'incident' as it is now known as until Carlisle, Esme, Alice and I went hunting that night. Alice sped away, chasing an Elk, mimicking its actions across a clearing before skillfully taking it down.

Carlisle hunted with Esme, which I knew that they hunted maybe one or two animals before making out with each other, fulfilling two desires at the same time. I was left, as usual, to hunt by myself.

I allowed myself to travel around an hour from them, just to find a good stock of mountain lions. I wanted to make this hunt worthwhile and the way Bella had been making me feel lately, I needed it. Her human blood tempted me, though practicing had paid off. I could resist her blood by hunting a lot and I had gotten used to all of the differences between her and the animals I hunted.

And now, I was chasing down the biggest mountain lion I could find, making it panic, going purposely slow to enjoy the chase.

It was a big male, the cream of the crop, the most succulent, juicy lion I had found tonight and certainly a meal I would cherish.

I was about to zone in on it, to wrap my stone arms around it. I would have liked to feel it squirm, its rib cage crack under the pressure then to sink my teeth into its fur, extracting the divine nectar. I would have liked that very much. I, of course, did not get that opportunity as a pair of too familiar, strong arms clamped around my meal and dragged it to their lips.

Abruptly I stopped, my eyes looking at the scene in front of me with horror. The lion had been efficiently killed and drained in little than over three seconds. A prized meal devoured in less than just three seconds! How I was going to cherish that meal!

"CARLISLE!" I screamed.

He grinned at me, throwing the dead lion to the side. "Yes, Edward, my dear son?" He asked innocently.

"I am going to rip your head off!" I cried. Esme peeped out from behind the tree, her tan eyes wide.

"Please, son, you know how I dislike violence," He soothed, the smug smile not lifting from his face.

"I'm going to _kill_ you!" I cried, "I am going to get you back, just you wait Carlisle!"

He rolled his shimmering brown eyes. "Oh, how I wait for that, Edward."

I spun on my heels and rocked back to the house. I already had a plan of what I had to do and I knew what had to be done.

"Edward?" Rosalie said as I rushed through the house. "What are you doing back so early?"

"Killing Carlisle!" I seethed. Rose chuckled.

"Good luck with that," She replied as I flew out the door.

It was one of those god-forsaken 24hour shops that I was sure they had specifically designed for the vampire populations of the world. I was convinced the Volturi had something to do with the chains around the world. I mean, I hadn't been human for a long, _long_ time, but I could never remember the time that I needed cat litter at 1 am, or window cleaner at 3am. It seemed a little ridiculous for the shop to be open at 2 o'clock in the morning.

"Morning, sir!" The assistant greeted from the counter. "How can I help you?"

I approached him carefully, looking around the shop for the item that I so desperately needed. "Do you have…?" I turned to him, recognizing him as a boy in my grade. I didn't know his name. "Pink clothing dye?"

He grinned. "Of course Edward," He said. Obviously he knew my name. But didn't everyone in this god forsaken town? "Isle three."

I found the weapon of choice and quickly grabbed nine bottles, paid for them and then skipped home. Rosalie was watching a late night movie lazily and turned her head back to look at me.

"Whatcha doin with them, Edward?" She said, only barely interested.

"Dying all of Carlisle's clothes pink," I said, pulling out every garment owned by Carlisle from the fresh washing and into Esme's clothes basket. "Getting back at him."

"Ah, revenge," Rose said, "I know all about that. Good luck, Edward." She turned back to her movie, pushing her blonde locks back behind her ear.

I moved up to his and Esme's room next, carrying the basket that was Carlisle's clothes. I grabbed everything out of his closet, pushed it into the basket, chuckling when I found out that all of his work shirts were white. On the way out I grabbed his white doctor's coat, plucking it from the hanger, shoving it on top. It even still had his name tag on it.

"Geez, Ed, even his coat," Rose exclaimed, sitting up over the lounge, watching me with interest. "You're really going right out!"

_Mother Dianne's Clothing Dye_

_Colour: Baby Pink_

_Instructions: Pour one drop to every 100mL of water, or every garment. This dye will not wash out. WARNING: This dye will not wash out._

"Excellent…"

I poured bottle after bottle into the tub where Carlisle's shirts, pants, undergarments, button ups, suits, jeans and socks were. I estimated they still had another good 2 hours of hunting and if I was lucky another 3 hours before Carlisle and Esme got back.

"Baby pink?" Rose said, taking an empty bottle and cocking one blonde eyebrow. "Isn't that rather…" She trailed off.

"Gay," I confirmed, "Why yes, it is."

"I like baby pink," Rose commented. "I think it's nice… on girls."

"There is a fine line," I told rose, "And Carlisle is about to get on the wrong side of it."

"Edward Cullen, you are evil," She tsked me. "And I like it, good work, brother."

"Sew designer labels on them," Rose suggested as she turned back to her movie. "That will really get him going."

"No," I replied, holding up the now pink, previously white work shirt owned by my father. "This will do, this is much enough for what I wanted."

I dried everything and hung everything back and though it took me until four in the morning I was insanely pleased with my progress. Everything Carlisle now owned was tinged in pink, whether it be a vibrant pink like his white shirt or a strange tinge like his jeans, _everything_ was pink.

"Look, son, I'm sorry for what I did while we were out hunting…" I looked up from my science text to see Carlisle holding out his hand for me too shake. " I'm sorry, no hard feelings."

I took it heartily, "Yeah, dad, no hard feelings. But I have to run, I've got to get Bella to school." I leapt up, taking the Volvo's keys from the coffee table.

"But it's only seven thirty," Carlisle said, frowning slightly.

"She's an early riser," I lied. Bella was late most days but I needed an excuse to get out of the house; to avoid a right throttling that I would get from my father when he found out what I did.

"Alright, have a nice day Edward," He mumbled.

"Yes, you too, dad," I grinned, slinking out the door.

I was driving out of the house, down our long driveway when I heard it, louder than anything I had ever felt before, blocking out everything else in my head going on. I think it was mainly because he yelled it out also.

"EDWARD CULLEN! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!"

I couldn't help but laugh, throwing my head back, not knowing where I was going; knowing that if I could cry the tears would be streaming down my face.

"What are you so happy about today, Edward?" Bella chimed as she stepped into the car.

"Oh, no reason, love," I replied sweetly, firing up the engine to the small Volvo. "It's a little early, you don't mind if I take a detour to the hospital do you?"

Bella shrugged. "Alright."

I grinned as I turned into the car park hospital, seeing Carlisle's black Mercedes parked in prime position. I should have painted that pink too, it would have been a pleasant change.

I slipped into the hospital, smiling to the woman behind the administrations desk, tuning in on a group of nurses chattering down the hall.

_It must be a joke, I mean, his coat is pink too!_

_Come on, doesn't anyone think that he looks even more amazing. I swear, I could jump on him right now!_

_If he wants to get noticed he sure knows how to do it!_

"Is Carlisle Cullen in?" I asked the administration lady, leaning over the counter.

"Why yes he is, Edward," She replied. "He just clocked in, I'm sure he's just in his office if you want to pop in."

"Oh yes, I would just _love_ to pop in," I grinned.

"Morning handsome," I cooed, leaning across the doorframe of his office. "My, haven't we had a little spark of personality today."

His head snapped up and his tan eyes narrowed. Oh my! He was totally pink! His shirt was pink, his coat was pink and his tan pants were a deep burgundy. I expected his underwear was pink as well! Oh joyous day! "Shut _up_, Edward, you little…" He always avoided swearing, he did dislike it so. "Is this for revenge, Edward? I thought you to be better than that." He was trying to use the guilt trick on me, well, that wouldn't work for one moment.

"No, you mustn't know me very well then at all, Carlisle," I replied sweetly, grinning.

And then, Christopher, I assumed, peeked his head in beside my chest, making me recoil from the sudden onslaught of his scent on his nose. He reeked of blood and I screwed my nose up.

"Doctor Cullen," He said, "They want you in room nine." And then, he grinned, flicking back a piece of blonde fringe. "And I _just_ love your colour. It matches your eyes nicely. You definitely have some flare, Carlisle!"

"Please, Doctor Cullen," Carlisle insisted.

Christopher grinned and I chuckled to Carlisle. "Alright, _Doctor_ Cullen," He purred.

_God help me…_

And Carlisle never took my food again. Christopher was charged three weeks later for sexual harassment on a male nurse and was deported to Indiana.

Carlisle had to endure Alice's shopping habits for five consecutive days, flying to other parts of the world when the local shops closed. It was opposite in Australia, apparently.

* * *

I hoped you enjoyed the first part of this little story. It's all fun, yeah? Have a good laugh.

Disclaimer- All owned by Stephenie Meyer, except for the food dye. That's not.

Review please. :D!


	2. II Bella!

Best Served Cold: Notes on Revenge by Edward Cullen

By Miss. Bra

* * *

II. Bella!

The love of my life: the beautiful, irreplaceable, unique, warm, lovable, totally naïve, stupid, little Bella. How I did love Bella, though she was a human and the instinctual side would love no more than to snap her neck and drink from her.

Bella always forgot that I was only vampire when it came to kisses or more intimate doings. And she always, always forgot that I could hold a grudge. _Always_, she did. Ah, yes, she conveniently forgot that I, Edward Cullen, had lived a lot longer than her. I was much wiser than her and I was also adapted to waiting for my chance to enact my revenge. Was Carlisle's wake-up-call so soon forgotten?

But that had not stopped Bella. Oh, no, Bella, stupid, annoying, human Bella from starting up a 'dress-up' day for the entire school.

October 31st, we knew that date all too well. Halloween, and conveniently it was on a week day.

"Damn it Bella," I growled. "You're getting as bad as Alice. Do _not_ forward this, do not do it!"

"Oh, have a little life, Edward," She waved me off, not caring about her boyfriends feelings what so ever.

"That's not possible," I replied. "In case you haven't noticed."

"Well," She spun around now, her hair flicking over her shoulders, hands on her hips. "It will be a good experience for you then, besides, Halloween is an American tradition and it's a great cause!"

Of course, the only thing Bella would do remotely close to having a party would be to dress up. The money, a dollar donation, was going to a cancer charity. I would give ten-thousand dollars if only I didn't have to dress up, if only she wouldn't sick Alice on me. Oh god, please, please, no!

"Bella," I was begging now, taking the sides of her shirt, giving my best puppy dog eyes. "Please, I'll give the cause ten-thousand dollars! Please, please, don't let me dress up, please, please!"

Bella suddenly cocked an eyebrow and for once, I didn't want to know what she was thinking. "Now, Edward Cullen," She purred. I inwardly groaned. "It isn't about the money, now to me; it's about seeing you dressed up, out of your comfort zone…"

"I am out of my comfort zone, everyday if you haven't already noticed," I whispered, ushering to the school cafeteria around us.

"Oh, but this will be so good Edward," She mused. "Please don't let me down."

"I'm leaving," I announced, standing up, grabbing my food and turning back to the dubbed 'Cullen' table.

"Fine," Bella said, flicking her hair across her shoulder again. "Bye, Edward."

"Bye, Bella," I spat back, turning to shuffle in next to Jasper and Rosalie.

"Edward, Edward, Edward," Alice tutted as I sat down.

"What?" I grinned back, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Revenge doesn't solve anything, B2 and what you're going to do is very, very bad. Please, please, please, don't teach her a lesson, oh god, please."

"Oh no, Alice, I swear, I won't," I grinned. Alice cried out, falling onto the lunch table, startling everyone in the room. Bella laughed softly from the table she was sharing with Angela and Ben this lunch.

"Alice, sweetie," Jasper said awkwardly, placing his hand on his girlfriend's shoulder. "_Please_ don't do that again."

Alice's head shot up and she looked at me with narrowed tan eyes. "Oh Edward," she seethed. "I hope she _kills_ you."

I grinned as I got up from out of my seat, taking my untouched lunch tray. "Vampire, remember?" I chuckled, moving away from my families' table.

"Hey love," I grinned, scooting over Angela and Ben's table to sit next to Bella. She grinned back at me before looking over to Angela.

"Edward is helping with our fundraiser tomorrow," Bella said.

I could tell that Angela was totally confounded with the Cullen's and was curious about why we were 'so good' apparently. We held ultimate popularity in her mind, as well as many other students' minds. Of course, _everyone_ loves the vampires. "Wow," she grinned. "That will really make a difference, thanks Edward!"

I smiled a reply, a crooked, close-mouthed smile as not to scare her. "I'm sure Carlisle will be very interested in giving a donation," I replied. Bella frowned.

"That's not getting you out of it," She scowled me, "If I have to dress up, you might just as well too."

"All the school is doing it, it's a bit of fun," Angela egged me on. As if I didn't have enough people against me.

I sighed. "Alice has refused to help me," I sighed. Bella squeaked a laugh. "So I have to get myself a costume."

"By tomorrow," Angela butted in, "Halloween is tomorrow."

I threw my arms up into the air. "By tomorrow!" I cried. I heard a low hiss from Alice from the table, then a chuckle from an extremely amused Emmett.

"You'll be right Edward," Ben said, "Just come as a football player. It's quick, it's easy…"

"It's totally boring," Angela cut him off, rolling her eyes.

I got up out of the seat, giving Bella a peck across the cheek. "Carlisle wants to see me, got the afternoon off," I mumbled lowly. Bella nodded.

"Alright," She said softly. Bella was too quick and had snapped her head across to catch my lips as I brought them down against her temple. "I'll see you later then."

It was a horrible lie to say that I needed to see Carlisle. He was on double shifts at the hospital and it had been busy. He was still a little annoyed at the whole 'pink' incident, but had gotten over it. He needed a new wardrobe anyway and Esme just _loved_ being able to strip him and measure him up. Yes, it was long nights with Alice, Jasper and me out where we couldn't feel or hear what was going on back there.

I did have the afternoon off, however. My certificate was nearly finished and I didn't need the extra study periods as Bella did. I took the Volvo, as Alice had her little zippy Porsche hidden around the corner.

The main street of Forks was pretty much empty. I worried that the shop wasn't going to be open. Heaven forbid I had to visit another 24/7 hour shop again, I didn't think I could handle another incident like that!

I walked the street for a moment, worrying as the sun started to come out through the clouds that were ever-present. I ducked into shops, crossing the road carefully until finally I found my destination.

_Harry's Party and Variety store_

It was a small store that had been recently on the verge of bankruptcy and was a little messy and unorderly. The items I needed, however were all in order, in the furthest corner of the store. I gathered them quickly, making sure I got everything I needed and more. Bella was _not_ going to get away with this and I was going to make sure of it!

"That's all of it thanks, I'll pay by credit card," I mumbled, flipping out my card from my wallet as the assistant scanned all my items.

"And what may all these be for?" She asked absent-mindedly, making small talk with me. "Do you have a party coming up?"

"No," I said, swiping my card, deducting the cost from the balance I had accumulated over ninety years. "Dress up at school. For Halloween."

"Well," She grinned, handing me the plastic bag, "I'm sure you'll be very scary then, see you later."

"Bye."

I got home and Alice was waiting for me out on the front step, her arms crossed over her chest, her eyes narrowed at me. Jasper was hovering close behind, worrying about Alice's sudden hostility towards me.

_Don't tell me you did it, Edward._

"Fine," I replied to her thoughts as I walked confidently past her, "I won't tell you."

"When Rose finds out you are so dead! When Carlisle finds out! Oh, I hope he disowns you!" Alice cried, tailing me inside and shutting the door behind her.

"Carlisle loves me much too much to disown me," I grinned back at Alice, snatching the plastic bag away from her as she tried to peek. She already knew what was going to be in there, but she wanted to confirm. I bumped into Esme coming from the kitchen.

"Carlisle's going to what?" she asked, pulling back her soft curls.

"Carlisle's going to disown Edward tomorrow afternoon!" Alice chimed up.

Esme frowned and took my shoulders.

"He would never do such a thing! I wouldn't let him!" Esme said protectively. She was much too motherly sometimes and I had no doubt that Esme would protect me from the 'wrath' of an 'angry' Carlisle. She would rip him apart if he even muttered the words "Edward, leave, now!"!

"You will once you find out what Edward is doing tomorrow!" Alice cried. Esme frowned and looked at me, taking her hands away from my shoulders.

"And what's that Edward?" She asked slowly. I grinned.

"Supporting cancer research!" I told my mother. She smiled warmly, like the mother she had always been and kissed me on the head.

Alice stormed off in a huff.

* * *

I had sent Alice to pick up Bella and eight which she did with little hesitation. She obviously wanted to warn her about what was going on.

Alice hadn't told anyone of my plan, not even Carlisle or Jasper. I knew she would find the outcome secretly amusing. I mean, who had ever thought of this before? Who had had the guts to do it for Halloween? I was certain that there was no way that after this incident that Bella would ask me to dress up again.

I drove the Volvo to school and parked it next to Emmett's big Jeep. Everyone was dressed up at school and I would definitely not look like a fish out of water.

_We're at the car, Edward_ was Alice's melancholy reply.

I fixed up my costume and finally put in the finishing touches. I smeared red liquid across my white shirt and popped my collar. Oh yes, I looked smashing. Absolutely terrifying.

I opened the door of the Volvo and I could smell Bella across the lot. She had turned to look at me and her eyes were wide, her lips parted slightly. Alice groaned loudly, rolling her eyes, turning away from me.

"Edward… I… Oh, god, please no…" Bella gasped. I walked up to her and slipped my arm around her waist.

"What's wrong, love?" I grinned back, pressing my lips to her temple.

"Edward!" She hushed. "You're a vampire!"

I threw my hands up in the air. "Thank you captain obvious!"

"No!" She cried, grabbing my collar, pulling me down to her level. "Are you _crazy_, Edward?! What the HELL are you thinking?!"

"I'm thinking," I clarified, taking her hands off my collar, holding them by her sides. "That you will never ask me to dress up for any other event ever again!"

"Damn right!" She cried. "Uh, even the teeth, Edward? What did the others say?!"

Alice whipped around. "The other's don't know! But when they do! By god, when they find out!"

"Emmett will die!" I grinned. "This is going to be great."

At that point, a human classmate of mine walked past and grinned at me. It was the one I was sure was called Gregory, and he smiled, putting up his thumb. "Edward," He said in a appreciative tone. "Great costume!"

I grinned, slinking my arm around Bella. "Why thank you, Greg," I replied.

"Damn," He muttered, "You make one hell of a vampire, Edward."

Emmett and Rosalie were late to school (for reasons I had screened out of my mind as they signed in, totally out of it, only noticing themselves), which did disappoint me a little. I was in chemistry class, and the entire class was dressed up.

I had to give it to Bella, when she went out of her comfort zone; she made everyone go with her. Bella had decided to get dressed up as… well, something scary. It was no less unattractive but, it wasn't a zombie. She described it as a gothic slash post-world war two bride slash zombie Marie Antoinette… thing! It was.... well… attractive, I must admit. I was glad I was the one that could read minds. The things I was thinking weren't all that… innocent.

_Edward… Cut it… out!_

I grinned. Apparently, Alice didn't like that.

It was lunch time and a time I was eagerly awaiting. Not only because the entire school would see my lovely attire, but because I would get to sit with my beloved family.

I saw Alice and veered toward her, slipping my arm over her shoulder.

"Go away Edward," she seethed, snapping away. "I don't want to talk to you."

I grinned. "That's not very nice, Alice," I replied as we walked into the cafeteria.

They turned to me then, Emmett's grin suddenly falling from his face. "Ed…Edward?" He stuttered, the sudden shock on his face absolutely priceless.

"You idiot!" Rosalie hissed from the table, the tray dropped at her feet. "How the hell could you? Edward you absolute _idiot_!"

I grinned as I walked to the table and sat down. "Love you too, sis," I grinned. Jasper was staring at me, his large tan eyes wide, his mouth dropped slightly in shock.

"Edward," He gasped. "What are you doing?"

"Supporting cancer research," I replied.

"And out of all the things in the world you could have dressed up as, you dress up as a vampire!" He said quickly, too quickly for the humans to hear.

"Yes, well," I said slowly, "I thought it would have been… imaginative…"

Rose groaned loudly and turned away, flipping out her phone. "I am calling Carlisle, you are so in for it, Edward."

"I'll just hide behind Esme," I shrugged. "Have you ever seen Carlisle mad?" I grinned. In ninety years, I had never seen Carlisle even yell. There was no way he was going to crack- it just wasn't in his nature.

"Oh," Alice said hauntingly, "You weren't there when he realized you had turned all of his clothes pink. I have seen an angry Carlisle, and believe me, there's nothing Esme can do!" Then, she chuckled. "He's still rather angry about the whole incident, I bet he'll be furious when he sees you!"

"I'm not afraid of a mere Carlisle," I replied.

"He's going to throttle you, Edward," Emmett chorused in, laughing heartily.

"Yes, hi Carlisle, sorry to bother you…" Rose murmured on the phone behind me. "Yes, I think you should come into school. Edward's done something catastrophic. I think you and Esme need to clean up the mess. Yes, we should start planning a move now."

I rolled my eyes. Drama queen Rosalie, ruining all my fun. Though, my fun was coming to an end. Who else was I going to shock with my vampire costume- complete with puffy white shirt and plastic fangs? Suddenly, Carlisle and Esme coming to the school would be great.

* * *

"Edward Cullen," My name rang over the intercom, "You're wanted at the front office immediately."

I packed up my stuff as Bella grabbed the sleeve of my shirt. "Why?" She mouthed. I grinned.

"Rose called in Carlisle and Esme," I replied. Bella's jaw dropped in shock.

"Are you in trouble?" She hissed. I shrugged.

"Most likely," I replied. "So if I don't see you in a week, you'll know that they've killed me."

I walked out in class as Bella whimpered. The front office was a great distance away, but seeing as no-one was out of class, I made that distance quickly, stopping just at the door to check my reflection before entering.

My father's thoughts were catastrophic. He was totally convinced I'd gone and killed someone, but no-one had found out yet. Apparently we were moving to Nepal because there was a range of mountain lions and Esme did so love the snow. I rolled my eyes as I came to meet them.

"Oh, Edward, you're here, thank you," The front office lady said softly.

As if in slow motion, Esme and Carlisle turned around to face me.

"Edward?" Esme gasped.

Carlisle said nothing, his tan eyes wide, his bottom lip dropping only the slightest.

"What are you doing?" I asked casually.

"R-Rose rang us," Esme stuttered. "She said there was something wrong."

I raised my eyebrows and looking down to my fingernails. "Well, I wonder what that was. Why did you need me for?"

Esme was struggling with what she was seeing. "It involved you."

At that very moment, Gregory came past. He walked past Esme and Carlisle- who was stiff as a board, unmoving, not talking, only staring at me and my attire- and opened the door next to me. "Damn Cullen," He said in an appreciative tone, "That is one mad costume."

* * *

Disclaimer- Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, I don't. I'm making no profit.

Reply to Reviews:

ultraaviolett-x: I hope you liked this one too, sorry it took so long for me to write it. :(. Hope it was worth the wait, thanks for your review.

Moumou38: Lol, thanks. I hope you liked this chapter. :). Edward dressed as a vampire, it was just sitting there, waiting for me to write it.

fetheht: Agreed, poor Carlisle. But, he's fun to play pranks on. Edward will go through and play pranks on all of his faily eventually.

Leucothea29: Yes, all storys will be around Edward playing pranks. The next one I think may be Esme... It won't be Emmett for a long time. I'm glad you did like it. Yes, Edward was amazingly sneaky. Naughty, naughty.

SapphireNight: Thanks for that. I don't usually try my hand at writing comedy, but I'm glad you liked it. Hope you liked this chapter and laughed hard again. Thank you. :)!

Please Review. :D.


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